Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
