i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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