we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dick very happy bro
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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