sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
