lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
