I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
