We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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