I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
