hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
