Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize