Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You smell like stripper and shame
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
