Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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