His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
