he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
