so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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