Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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