well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
