If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
