I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
