nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
