I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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