I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
