I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
