just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
