So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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