my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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