It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
