Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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