My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
