so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
