He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
