Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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