Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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