I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
