ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
