i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize