Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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