why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
