I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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