Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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