girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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