some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dicks are not precious.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
