Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
