I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
