So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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