i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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