You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
