so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
