Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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