once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
