I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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