I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
