You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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