well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
