Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
