My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
