I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
