Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
