finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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