therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
