spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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