We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
