I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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