Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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