ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
