I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
