I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
