If that was your dad, he is hot
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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