I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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