Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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