I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
