You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
