after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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