I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
